A fork of Rural Dictionary
Kung Fu is a supernatural defense martial arts system developed in China to ward off attacking ninjas from Japan. It was introduced to America by a mutated Kung Fu Master called Kwai Chang Caine aka Master of Puppets, aka David Carradine. Adepts of Kung Fu learn the highly guarded secret of learning to shoot noodles out of their right nostril and to knock out their opponents without actually coming into physical contact with them as well as other deadly techniques (This included droping Acme fire - crackers in the victims' underpants and gleefully watching them). Kung fu masters usually lose to oponents using The Norwegian Barfighting Method unless they are either drunk, high, or Bruce Lee. Every chinaman is known to be born with perfect Kung Fu skills.
The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.
So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.
"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"
"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."
Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.
Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
"Kung fu is like flower, in it I win"
~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu
"I am starting to learn my strength back"
~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
The phrase Blue Screen of Death has its origins in the maritime trade, particularly buccaneer lore of the sixteenth century. When a ship is sunk, all that is left is the morbidly still ocean, glistening bright blue in the Caribbean sun. Thus, when one heads out to sea, with the intention of meeting another boat, and all one sees is the rolling blue ocean, one can sadly assume that that boat has sunk.
The phrase became absorbed into common language as a term referring to the feeling of empty hopelessness one experiences when faced with a vast expanse of watery oblivion. Staring out into Lake Windermere, the great poet William Bleak was sufficiently moved by the still blueness that he wrote his masterpiece "Songs of Death", eventually going on to kick-start the goth movement.
With the advent of air travel in the twentieth century, it became applicable to the sky, as well as the sea: many an early airman was deemed lost to the Blue Screen of Death (although quite a few of them simply turned out to have gotten slightly lost and landed in the wrong place). Over time the Blue Screen has become synonymous with loss, emptiness and to some, the Devil.
The association of the colour blue with death, watery or otherwise, is readily visible throughout modern civilisation. Household cleaners such as bleach are packaged in blue bottles, in memory of those who, when the product was new to the market, mistook it for cheap ouzo and passed away through dissolution of the digestive tract. When one sings "The Blues" one is reflecting on the brevity of life, and the oblivion that awaits in death. Cheese and onion crisps, known to be the foulest of all snack foods, often come packaged in blue to ward off the purchaser.
With this in mind, that the "Blue Screen of Death" is the most chilling and deadly entity in computer science is no surprise. They have been plaguing computer operators since someone had the bright idea of connecting a screen to a computer. This is one of the most puzzling phenomina in computing since during the 60's, 70's and 80's the Blue Screen of Death was able to manifest itself in full blueness on green and amber monochrome cathode, black and white, and two tone LCD screens
The Blue Screen of Death was slipped into the very core of the Windows operating system at its inception, by a malicious developer with a sick interest in pagan rites. It is rumoured that when one sees the Blue Screen of Death on a computer screen it wrenches a tiny part of your soul and binds it to the afflicted machine. Repeated exposure, legend has it, will eventually drain one's spirit, leaving a living corpse, pale and restless, existing without purpose and an unquenchable thirst for caffeine.
A recent evolution of the "Blue Screen of Death" feature in Windows Vista has serious side effects. Instead of simply displaying a "blue screen", the new variant displays random flashing colors in a superhypnobrainwave pattern, causing the user to have a seizure and die within 195 hours of continuous seizure. The seizures are extremely painful for the 195 hours, then the seizure-ee suddenly feels a jabbing pain in their lower upper thigh and dies. 96.3141592% of these seizures last for the full 195 hours. The colors of the screen randomly flash between red, green and blue and actually cause death, so this variant of the "Blue Screen" should instead be called an epileptic screen of red, green and blue death, but Microsoft have decided to make the feature part of their new family of software - creating "Windows Live Screen of Death Beta".
The blue screen of death has had many social consequences. The Catholic Church has condemmed the blue screen of death for promoting a "culture of death". Instead, the church favors the "Ooops" kernel messages generated by linux. The phrase "Ooops" is a sacred part of Roman Catholic tradition, as it is the sound an Irish women makes when she realizes that the rythem method of birth control doesn't work.
A recent study conducted by an up and coming university Massachusetts Institute of Technology, located in Chicago, has managed to determine the Blue Screen of Death as cause of other incidents. It was an extensive study, conducted for over 30 years by a group of under-fed under-grad students.
Incidents: broken computer equipment; violent crime and suicide increase; loss of data and home made movies; wet floor and terrified expression on the face of a person that used the computer last; mysterious deaths of occupants in high-tech residences; increase in drugs abuse; and many more.
It is also possible to see a yellow screen of death, if you are colour-blind. While the BSOD has been known to cause many many heartattacks, it has also been known to cause coniptions as well as the ability to gain super human strength and shoot eye beams into your computer monitor. Please, do not have a heart attack if it happens to you.
“Damn You Bill Gates.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Blue screen of death
Robert the Bruce was allowed to be King of Scotland after apologising to Mel Gibson for trying to kill him as a sort of witty joke. Encouraged by an encounter with a spider on the Isle of Arran, he burned his bannocks or "boxer shorts" in front of the English Army, and proceeded to slaughter them because of his ingenious rules of battle (whereby anyone who correctly guessed their enemy's nationality was allowed "free hits").
One day Robert the Bruce is coming back, and then certain people will be in big trouble. He will sort everything out. He will tell us what to do. He will buy us presents. He will let us bring in games instead of doing work, and he will give out mini Mars Bars for those who please him. He is not really dead, this is a vicious and unsubstantiated rumour propounded by the same scientists who claim that dinosaurs are extinct.
This is not a joke and is deadly serious. Also he will let us have a go on his horse.
Robert the Bruce... Also see giggles and John Robinson
The Microsoft DirectX Window System (nicknamed "direct hex" by programmers) is an implementation of the X Window System for, unsurprisingly, Windows. It offers superior video output performance on the ATI and NVidia processors and inferior video output performance on all other processors, including the ones from AMD and Intel. It should be noted that Microsoft doesn't participate in either holy war, instead preferring to remain completely neutral in the question of vendor preference. For another example of Microsoft's neutrality, see x64.
DirectX differs from the official X implementation, which is stolen from XFree86, in the following minor details:
* It isn't stolen. Theoretically, nobody can steal it as well, and practically, nobody cares. Occasionally, the Free Sockpuppet Foundation goes nuts and shouts, "You Wine heretics, you stole it all, you gave up to the evil empire, we're doooomed!!" but it's been quite a while since anyone actually listened to them.
* It has made Ctrl-Alt-Del a well-known key combo.
* It is object-oriented to the point of granularity, passing thru your hands if not micromanaged a small grain at a time in order to produce the smallest of inputs. Its object orientation is language-independent, but crappy in the one true language. Unless you manage to find a cool wrapper library, which will immediately slow down performance almost to the point when you forget about your games and enjoy a slideshow.
* It is easy to use. Seriously. You only need to download a 200 MB SDK and forever forget about these*** stupid->IID_IPointers. It's slightly easier to use than OpenGL without downloading the SDK, which is a significant argument in favor of DirectX as downloading an SDK is no longer a problem in the digital millennium. Until you try to port your application.
* It doesn't include a window management system, there is already one in Windows and we are trying to be as minimalistic as possible. You cannot find an X system distribution as small as 20 MB which includes everything you ever need, including Direct1D, Direct2D DirectDraw, Direct3D, Direct4D, DirectSound, DirectShow, DirectHide, DirectInput, DirectPrint, DirectCD, DirectUSB and all the other subsystems for "direct"-ly (through a small, small hardware abstraction layer called Windows device driver and Win32 API) accessing all imaginable hardware. Until the vendor once again misconfigures the driver. But hey, it's not Microsoft's fault.
* Windows Vista finally bundles a DirectX window manager called Aero, which is a significant improvement over the best X window managers on Earth, such as TWM. From this point, DirectX/Aero will support OpenGL natively, eliminating the extra layer called ICD, for a small performance overhead of 50%. (Some say that ICDs can still be used, but Microsoft predicts that nobody will want to have these beautiful, eye-candy window borders to be even temporarily disabled to run some lame attempt on producing a 3D graphics library.
* It does run on your new video card, which is a vast improvement over the official X. The only drawback is that by the time you cover the security holes in the only system it supports one true system, it will be obsolete by at least a dozen new video cards, and all the coolest DirectX business applications will refuse to run on your card, but will run just fine on the card immediately succeeding yours. Until you install that one.
* Unlike X and its evil NPOV'ized some-say-that-it-is-evil spawn OpenGL, whose goal is not to add any functionality unless the hardware vendors and end users are rioting around your company's headquarters, the goal of DirectX is to add as much objects, function calls, layers of abstraction and obfuscated code as possible, regardless of whether any currently existing hardware is actually capable of understanding what DirectX wants from it, let alone doing what's asked. This clearly shows that Microsoft is thinking of the future and introducing innovation, quantity obscuring quality.
Oscar Wilde's favorite color (blue) shows up regularly as it crashes, along with a broken curse written in hex known as a "hex dump". DirectX
6 (uppercase: ^) is a real-live Arabic cardinal numerical integer, the successor to 5 and predecessor to the suspicious 7. It is a real subset of the set of all elements that come between the number infinitely far away from 5.00 and the number infinitely far away from 7.00 in opposite directions, and vice versa. Ordinally, it comes after the fifth number in the sequence of the numbers, and is before the seventh of the same.
In mathematics, the number constitutes a number of the base 10 regiment, or a decimal number, and may be more accurately denoted by the symbols 6.00. 6 is an even number, as opposed to an odd number, and can be created as the product of a 2 and a 3. Due to the phenomenon of reverse truncation, 2+2 approximately equals 6 for very large values of 2.
In finance, 6 is a small amount of currency, and may buy you a small paperback mathematical dictionary in some nations, whilst in others it will barely pay for a financial newspaper. The concept of having less money would be constituted in this situation by having 5.99 of your currency, and the concept of having more money would be constituted by having 6.01.
In literature, 6 is a page on which words are written. As an example, if you were reading the fifth page of the book (page five, that is), then the next page would be called page six (or the sixth page), and vice versa.
In cookery, 6 is a measure of how much of a particular ingredient you include in a dish, and its precise value is determined by the units that are used to suffix the said 6.
In computing, 6 is a key on a keyboard, usually denoted by the '6' symbol, and appearing in all twice on a standard keyboard, once in a horizontal fashion above the letters of the alphabet, in juxtaposition with the numbers 5 and 7; and once on the so-called 'number pad' on the far right of the unit, where it features on the right-hand side, to the right of the button marked '5', below the button marked '9', above that marked '3', and with borders to '8' and '2' also. The former occurrence of 6 wears a hat on standard US keyboards.
In time, 6 o'clock is the time that is one second after 5:59:59, and one second before 6:00:01. This time may be in the morning, or it may be in the evening, but at both times you are likely to find human beings awake.
In describing human directed animal attacks, a homonym of 6 is used as in: "Joe sics his dog on the hapless home invader.".
In medical terminology, 6 is used to describe relative malady as in: "I'm sick's a dog.".
In the calendar, 6 is the day that comes after the 5th day of each month, and comes before the 7th of the same month.
In German the number 6 is spoken like "sex" and therefore a never ending source of stupid jokes.
In base 6, the number 6 is written "10."
On the other hand, in base 5 the number 6 is written "11." This is rather odd since 6 is not an odd number, while 11 is.
A common urban legend tells that 6 is afraid of 7 because "7 8 9". Recent forensic discoveries indicate that 9 probably died of natural causes, and 6's fear of 7 may have stemmed from other causes, such as domestic violence.
Jesus Christ Superstar was a 1972 musical co-written by Mel Gibson and Jesus Christ himself. Gibson wrote much of the music, while Christ wrote the script.
Gibson and Christ got the basic idea for the musical while on drink/drug binge in Tijuana, Mexico. While intoxicated on codeine, marijuana, cheap tequila, and crack cocaine, Contrary to popular belief, crack wasn't invented by the CIA in the 1980s to keep black people down. Gibson first synthasized it in 1967, then distributed it himself for the same purposes Gibson blurted that he wanted to make a musical about the life of the Christ. Gibson forgot his idea in the morning, as he passed out in a Tijuana jail, but Christ remembered. Gibson, at first, was opposed to his own idea, but upon learning of his approxomatley $20,000 debt to Mexican drug kingpins he quickly signed on to the project.
Gibson wrote all of the music for the play in less than three weeks. It took Christ more than two months to write lyrics, which began to frustrate Mel. When Gibson saw the plot, he thought of it as an overy pompous representation of hubris, and told Jesus that if He didn't change it, he would leave the project. He loved Christ, but not that much.
Gibson fufilled his promise, quitting the project. In a fit of rage, he drafted his hit movie The Passion of the Christ as an attack against his ex-partner. As opposed to the flattering play he and Jesus co-wrote, The Passion pretty much showed Christ getting His ass kicked up and down the block for two straight hours.
Jesus Christ Superstar was a huge critical success, but the general public was unable to appreciate the work. The failure of the play started a chain of events, Jesus spent the rest of his life in bitter desperation, struggling with substance abuse, an addiction to pornography, and backstabbing Jews trying to nail him to a 2x4.
It was really John Lennon's boisterous comments that did him in though, when the Romans came to get him, his heart just wasn't in it.
"This was the musical that made me want to go into writing plays. Oh, well, this and RENT, but still."
~ Oscar Wilde on Jesus Christ Superstar
Dry as a term referring to specific areas or jurisdictions has several meaning - all which have to do with the prohibition of certain beverages.
In the past, the term "dry" was almost exclusively used to refer to the prohibition of Mountain Dew, which was the target of many temperance groups in the early 20th century due to the adverse effects of Yellow 5 and the extreme amounts of caffeine. Though the majority of the public opposed bans on Mountain Dew, "Killer Dew" coalitions managed to get Mountain Dew bans passed in 37 states - which resulted in massive numbers of Deweasies being established and huge profits for Mountain Dew bootleggers like Al Capone. Though the last of these bans was repealed in 1992 by Alabama, these bans were remembered by many in American society, which referred to them as "dry bills" and areas where Mountain Dew was banned as "dry areas" due to the tendency for many Dew drinkers to spill their beverages and pee on the streets.
Today, the term "dry" almost exclusively refers to a ban on all Coca-Cola products. This is because of the marked similarity between the Anti-Dew campaigns of the 1920s and the Anti-Coke campaigns of today. Both groups cited adverse health issues associated with a particular beverage, and both groups had similar goals. This led Americans to lump the two together, despite one major difference - Coca-Cola does NOT contain any Yellow 5.