A fork of Rural Dictionary
(V): Readsturbate; The act of reading a pornographic magazine, usually playboy, with the intent to masturbate to the images, but instead getting caught up reading the articles. (Adj): Readsturbating; the act of being engaged in readsturbating.
Ted: "Dave's been in the bathroom a while. I saw him go in with a playboy, but it's been over two hours." Ned: "Oh, he's probably just readsturbating." Dave: "You two get away from the door, I'm trying to readsturbate here!"
(v)To be owned in a calibur only previously displayed in one of the rambo movies. To own someone so hard, the only thing they remain happy about is the fact that they are not one of the guys from the rambo movies.
Ted in accounting was rambowned when he lost his face to a pack of wolves.
(v) The art of being/acting like a douche bag. (Adj) Lame, unexciting, prohibiting.
1) God I hate Ted! Look at him douchebaggin around the block like he owns it! Hey Ted! Quit all the douchebaggin! 2) This day is douchebaggin, I think I might off myself or something.
-v- To be owned in the worst kind of way; killed by goblins in any RPG. The most humiliating situation a gamer could ever be thrown into; akin to having your best friend restrain you and shove shit down your throat and pack it in with a horse's cock. -adj- Something debilitatingly sucky/retarded.
1)Ted: " I swear to got Ned, if you get killed by goblins, you suck worse than...(ted witnesses his friend being mauled by little green men)... wow... Goblowned! " 2)Mother:" Remember Billy, you have a play date with your "special" friend from school." Billy: " I don't wanna hang out with that goblowned fag mom!"
(v) Also known as a "black check", this is the action one performs when a black joke is on the verbal horizon of their tongue. This action can range from motions as minimal as turning one's head around, to searching the entire area thoroughly; leaving no stone unturned. It is commonly known that black people generally use pottery as a hiding spot, so one should thoroughly search through that ficus to the very last spec of soil. If one's friend forgets the darkwatch, it is mandatory that said friend shouts "darkwatch", regardless of environment, privacy, or number of obvious black people in proximity.
Ted: "Okay, so a black guy walks into a bar..." Dave: "Wait! Darkwatch!" Ted: *looks around the room* "Okay, so a black guy walks into..." Ted was then shot by an assault rifle wielding black man hiding in a vase across the street at the pottery barn.
The street name of Theodor Seuss Geisel, a notorious drug dealer in the Los Angeles area during the 1960's. He is known for his whimsical pitches when selling heroine; including made up on the spot words and phrases. His main demographics included, but were not limited to: Hispanics, Blacks, Asians, and Who's. He was married to Audrey Stone Dimond until his tragic accidental death in 1991. The county coroner listed his cause of death as "Asphyxiation on Green Eggs and Ham", though many believed he was poisoned by wife Dimond. "Why the fuck were the eggs and ham green? I think it was poison." Claimed local detective Oscar Wilde.
Dr. Seuss: "I Betstacy you'll love my ecstasy!" Addict: "Whoa...did I come here high? Did you really just say that?" Seuss: "I'll fucking kill you in a house, I will kill you with a mouse. Where's mah money, BIATCH!?" George Bush: "I love tacos".
(n): The first historical recording of the undead desiring flesh. This particular recording is found in Chapter 28 of Matthew in the Bible. It reads; "Ye, and did Jesus from the grave cometh, with a look of hatred in his eyes and a stock of flies surrounding his crown. His skin was tinted greeneth, and his mouth did drip of blood. He approachethed me an..OH GOD!" Of course the "OH GOD" was added from a spectator, as Matthew found himself quite incapacitated/digested.
EX.1 Santa: "Hey Jesus! You've been a naughty Christmas Zombie this year." Jesus: "Greeeaaaaayaaargh!" Santa: "Ho...ho...ho?" Jesus: "Braaaaaaaaains!" Santa: "OH GO NO!!!" "indistinct devouring sounds" EX.2 Ted: "Dear lord, please forgive my sins...Jesus? What are you doing under my bed?" Jesus: "BRAAAAAAIIIINS!" "Indistinct 'death of Ted' sounds, including, but not limited to, crunch, snarf, munch, jager, bamf, biff, pow, and snuffleupagus."