A fork of Rural Dictionary
A person who believes one or more of the Tea Party’s slant on today’s political issues. Many of their rants are so bizarre and without basis that they weren’t taken seriously until the movement had grown to an alarming collection of right-wing extremists, thus proving that the number of insane people currently residing in the US was grossly underestimated. Some of their more bigoted, racist, religious or homophobic beliefs include:
Obama is a Muslim Socialist and is not eligible to be president because he was born in Kenya.
Obama is going to take away their guns.
If Republicans gain control of the House, Obama should be impeached.
Repeal the 14th Amendment so being born in America won’t mean automatic citizenship.
Obama’s Healthcare Plan has a hidden ‘Death Panel’ clause so they can decide who lives or dies.
16,000 IRS agents have been hired to jail people who don’t have health insurance.
Abortion is Murder. Every unborn child has the right to be born and survive to the age of eighteen so he or she can join the military and kill other eighteen year olds that have different religious or political views than they do.
Church and State should be one.
Gay marriage will ruin the sanctity of marriage.
Evolution is a hoax.
Creationism should be taught in schools.
Global warming is a hoax.
The Earth was created in 6 days and is 6,000 years old.
Sarah Palin could become one of America’s finest presidents.
Man 1: I can’t believe that guy. He thinks Sarah Palin would make a great president!
Man 2: President of what?
Man 1: The United States!
Man 2: What? No way! He’s such a Teatard!
An “electronic leash” such as a cell phone, smartphone, PDA or any other electronic device that allows a possessive, controlling, paranoid, psycho, schizo or bipolar ‘significant other’ to keep in constant contact with their partner, throughout the day, for the sole purpose of harassment or controlling their every move.
R: “I can’t believe that he keeps his eleash turned on. She calls him every minute of the day, just to piss him off!”
J: “He should turn it off and just deal with her when he gets home.”
R: “I guess he’s afraid if he does, she’ll trash all of his stuff, or dump it at the curb. She’s done it before!”
Barely Legal. Taken from two definitions of the word Just.
Definition 1: Barely; by a narrow margin; within a brief period of time; only; merely
Definition 2: Legal; legitimate; guided by justice; in accordance with standards; right; lawful; proper
Man 1: “You’d better stay away from her, or you’ll end up in jail!”
Man 2: “No worries, I checked her out. She’s Just Just!”
A Michael Steele Minute is destined to replace the New York Minute as the smallest measurable amount of time in the universe.
A New York Minute is defined as the time between a traffic light turning green in New York City and the cab driver behind you honking his horn.
A Michael Steele Minute is defined as the time between President Obama leaving the Executive Office of the President of the United States and the firing of Michael Steele as the Chairman of the Republican National Committee.
Man 1: If I were offered that job, I’d have said yes in a Michael Steele Minute!
Man 2: You and me both!
When your sleazy, white trash, welfare-dependant daughter comes back to roost at your home with her five illegitimate children – because she just can’t make ends meet on four handouts alone.
With the cost of everything rising, public assistance from Welfare, Social Security, Food Stamps and Child Support is no longer allowing her to live the way that she had been accustomed – and the single-wide trailer has just been repossessed!
It’s sad, but once the essentials such as cigarettes, beer, drugs, snacks, lottery tickets, magazines and pre-paid cell phone cards are purchased, there never seems to be enough money left over for the non-essentials such as rent, utilities, gas or car repairs.
Man1: I heard that C moved back in with you, with all the kids.
Man 2: Yep, The Spread Eagle Has Landed!
A dozen-word compilation describing a person who exhibits only positive traits. He or she is sincere, intelligent, competent, respectful, tolerant, unbiased, empathetic, genuine, delightful, loving, sophisticated and trustworthy.
When the letters that spell Nilap Haras are reversed, it reveals a person exhibiting the exact opposite characteristics, and is sarcastic, ignorant, incompetent, disrespectful, narrow-minded, bigoted, unfeeling, deceptive, obnoxious, hateful, backwoods and corrupt.
Man 1: I wish I could find a woman who is Nilap Haras!
Man 2: Doesn’t everyone?
A severe allergic reaction, usually found on the upper thighs or ass cheeks, brought about by any amount of money ‘burning a hole in your pocket.’ The only known cure is to spend every cent of your Welfare check, Social Security check or Paycheck before midnight on payday – no matter what your financial obligations might be. Purchases generally include such low-rent essentials as cigarettes, lottery tickets, liquor, drugs, new release DVDs or CDs. Expenses such as rent, car payments, insurance, clothing or food are not considered to be essentials and therefore are not factored into the equation.
“Ouch! I gotta buy some cigarettes, DVDs and lottery tickets, quick - before I get a cash rash! I had a lot of overtime this week!”