Country Dictionary

To cane out is to become so old and decrepit that one can only walk with a cane or canes.

Pops turned 90 this year, and between the arthritic knees and feeble muscles, he just caned out. Can't walk without them.

A young tree whose branches slap you in the face when you pass it in the woods.

"I was running through the forest today when a slapling almost took my eye out."

The top of the bell curve in the evolution of man. The point in time at which the betterment of each generation over the previous one ceases to occur, and the species begins to backslide toward stupidity. Peak Evolution occurs when morons procreate faster than the enlightened.

The 2016 election would someday be seen as tangible evidence of peak evolution.

An aged hottie. Once hot, now not.

Barbara walkered across the common dining room of the senior center unnoticed. There was a time, she thought. One a hottie, now a tottie.

An apple orchard map.

Farmer Dave directed us to the Pink Ladies with a hand-drawn mapple, and we picked a bushel.

An especially slow, boring podcast.

"How to putt" may be the ultimate plodcast.

An unearned scar

Wanda showed us her tattoos of dangerous people she'd never met, places she'd never been, and scary things she'd never done.