Country Dictionary

the act of masturbating yourself in the company of others.

ROSS: fancy a wee self guff paul?
PAUL: yeah bro lets free the demon?

The words cunt and guff combined to describe a fanny fart.

That girl in the pub last night let out a huge cunt guff and everyone could hear it.

A smell that cannot be defined, yet is horrid and lingers.

'Cor, it reeks in 'ere of gravy guff.'

1. Interjection used to express disbelief at an understatement. Obviously; no shit.

2. Statement used to express general agreement with a friend. Fuckin' A'; for real; I heard that.

(Chet can be dropped in any usage)

1. Bill: Your leg is on fire!

Tim: No guff, Chet!

2. Carl: We really stepped in it this time.

Joe: No guff.

Poetic euphamism: The spontaneous and audible expulsion of air from the vaginal cavity, often during fast-paced coitus. There exists a breed of women that can and will perform this phenomenon on cue.
Pitch and tone can be determined by manipulation of the pelvic floor or 'kiki' muscles.
For further reference, see also queef and fanny fart.

Girl: 'My muff guff abilities are so advanced, I've been invited to join the London Philamuffic.'

A filty dirty smelly pussy

I am not going up that dirty guff for all the fish in the sea

The foul odor trail left by someone who smells. The smell that lingers after they have left the room.

L: "Have you smelt her today"

C: "I walked down the corridor right through her Guff Trail"