Country Dictionary

If I told you that Tool's latest album, Lateralus, was way better than everything else currently on the market, would you believe me? Probably not. First of all, you don't know me. Second of all, you probably don't listen to Tool, because most radio stations pretty much ignore them. It's easier to follow what the radio tells you to listen to, isn't it? The answer, of course, is yes. But what if you are looking for more than the everyday stuff? It's an undeniable fact that mainstream music is becoming bland. The record companies churn out single after single of "one hit wonders", creating radio garbage. Manufactured artists with no potential play their song, make some money, and then are never heard of again. ("Who Let the Dogs Out" anyone?) It has been happening since the beginning of Rock and Roll, and it probably will continue on forever. The only problem is that it seems to be getting worse. One has to ask him or herself, "How many of these bands are going to be remembered thirty years from now, the way bands like Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones are remembered today?" Yes, every era has had its share of bands that come and go faster than Mick Jagger's voice at a Rolling Stone's Concert, and there is no stopping them. So why not go for something different? It is hard for the average music fan to change his or her taste. Your average music fan usually starts off listening to what his parents listened to, simply because he is not aware of anything else. Then, he turns the dial on the radio, and discovers rock, rap, pop, and other exciting genres. At about the same time, the average music fan's friends start to turn the dials on their radios, too. As they get older, they collectively start to worship a certain type of music. Then, whatever their radio station of choice tells them what listen to, they blindly obey. It doesn't matter that the quality of the music is steadily declining. The radio says do it, and then like the sheep humans are, they listen to the voice. Then the sheep run to the music store and spend fifteen to twenty dollars on a compact disc containing one popular song, and forty minutes of noise. Two weeks later, the family dog chews happily away at the shiny round thing it found in the garbage can. For some people, this cycle will never end. For others however, it does. Around their late teens, some people start to notice that there is other music out there. It doesn't get played on the radio. Naivety may have told them its because the music is not "good enough", but they now know better. It's too good. The average music fan won't like it because it doesn't make sense to him. The radio won't play it because the average music fan won't listen to it. Progressive rock tends to fall under this category. Progressive rock is like modern rock; however, it is smarter, longer, and instrumentally diverse. Progressive rock does not get played on the radio because after five minutes, the average music fan gets bored. This is very unfortunate, because progressive rock is spectacular. It can move a person in ways that regular mainstream music can't. Some like to refer to it as "smart rock". Pink Floyd is good example of a great progressive rock band, which did make it big. That is because during the seventies, long instrumentals were popular and were allowed to be played on the radio. Today, they are not. Pink Floyd's "The Wall" is the definitive progressive rock album. Many are comparing "Lateralus", by Tool to The Wall. "Lateralus" is not like "The Wall". Yes they are both long, and they both have a lot of synthesizers in them. That would be the end of their similarities. Neither one is better because they cannot be compared. So why try? "Lateralus" is not a typical Tool album either. None of its songs sound like "Sober" or "Prison Sex". Tool has gone a few steps higher with this album. It is meant to be heard all at once, almost like an opera. It is slow. Not slow in its speed, but slow in the way it gets from point A to point B. While a good riff in any other song gets heard a few times before the song is over, a Tool riff is explored like it could be the cure for cancer. The riff plays on, only slightly changing, to a point of hypnosis, before the song continues. The members of Tool are not afraid to do this. They aren't worried if the song exceeds ten minutes in length. They don't care that this kills their chance of getting on the radio. Tool is simply interested in making beautiful music. Beautiful music may be an odd word to use on an album that is so heavy and full of anguish. But it is beautiful the way fire is beautiful. It is destructive yet captivating. As usual, Maynard James Keenan's vocals are heavenly, and his lyrics are deep and poetic. The guitar, base and drums are rock solid, and play together like an orchestra. And the synthesizers top it off, making it eerie and full. The album is a masterpiece. One can listen to the radio, and then again, one can find something better. Lateralus mocks radio music, and takes pride in the fact that only a select audience will listen. Perhaps this is a blessing. Popularity is often a band's downfall. It would be hard to accept the fall of a band like Tool.

Lateralus is one of Tools greatest albums.

A crap left purposefully unflushed in a public restroom because of its profound grossness, extreme size or other redeeming qualities.

Yo Jake, check out that trophy crap in the bathroom - I swear, it's sticking 3 inches out of the water!

Commonly Called a MAV. Mormon women drive them around all day long, to cart their litter of children around to and fro. A tipical MAV is a Hummer, Ford Excursion, Ford Explorer, Ford*, Nissan Titan, Suburban, Denali. Any grosly oversized vehicle (commonly called a SUV) Usually gets less than ten miles per gallon when fully loaded with children. To spot a MAV, simple look at the driver. Is she a woman? Is her hair done up, is she wearing makeup? Does she have those fucking half see-through shiny silver glasses? Is you said yes to these, you have successfuly spotted a MAV. A MAV may come equipped with some of the folowing items, this is how you can tell its being driven by one hip-ass mom: Rims Spinners Tinted Windows Spoilers After market Xenon lights Note: 99% of the time trucks are NOT MAV's, as they are usually driven by men and cannot hold many children. Crew cabs are an exception!

These damn women driving their MAVs, get off your fucking cell phone so you dont fucking hit me! Damn, check out the milf in the MAV!

An unspoken rule that dictates when two motorists are parked next to each other and inter their car at approximately the same time, the one that starts his/her car first gets to back out first. Should the cars start at the same exact time, eye contact should be made to decide who is to back out of his/her spot first.

Adam got in a wreck with a lady who didn't abide by the back out rule. He started his car first, but she backed out first so Adam hit her thinking he was in the clear.

A circumstance where a large ammount of broken down trucks and/or domestic cars are parked along the side of a narrow street making it impossible for 2 cars side by side to fit through.

I got side swiped by an explorer because we both could not fit through the redneck traffic jam.

A rule, usually concerning social behavior, which is known by all but spoken by none. This rule is neither official nor written down. It just is.

Examples of what an Unwritten Rule is: You do not sit next to strangers on busses/trains even if it is full - you stand. You do not stare at people in public. You do not tell a girl she is fat, even if she is. You never pass a cop even if he is doing 10 under. You do not swear in the presence of a lady. You do not initiate unwelcomed small talk with who you are sitting next to on a plane. You take your hat off during the national anthem. etc.

To blow ones nose without kleenex. This can only be accomplished by plugging one s nose with ones index finger, then blowing air out ones nose as hard as possible. Very similar to farmer snort

Alex was outside so he didn't have access to any kleenex. He simply performed a hillbilly nose blow to clean out his nose.