A fork of Rural Dictionary
An artistic approach to going to the bathroom. This art occurs accidentally or intentionally, and it doesn’t have to occur in a restroom. When your intestinal track and colon starts gurgling and bubbling with watery excrement and then notifies you that the situation has instantly become critical. You truffle-shuffle your way over to the nearest toilet, drop your pants and underwear as you wobble over to the first available stall, and then turn around and grab your ankles as you shit with all your might. The higher up on the wall the shit goes, the better the Picasso. If you paint onto the ceiling you have turned your art into a Michelangelo painting.
“The neighbors dog wouldn’t shut up all night so I went over and Picasso Painted it.”
This happens to nail biters. The nail biter will be sitting around and chomping on their nails when they get a taste of something that was lodged under one of their nails. This strange substance remained safely stored under the nail unexposed to any hand washing. After careful backtracking to the point where this substance was acquired, the nail biter realizes that during their last trip to the crapper that finger had busted through the toilet paper and shit was lodged under that nail. Bon-apatite.
“Although the Coney Island down the street is disgusting, their carry-out is great!”
A fun nighttime activity. Under the cover of darkness a man or woman sneaks into a morgue with a shoehorn, white mask, and a tuna grinder. Only after finding a deceased woman can the wild sex begin. The shoehorn is only necessary if the corpse’s pussy has become too stiff for penetration.
“Can cold cuts give cold sores?”
For those that are extremely ass-greasy on a constant basis, this is a term to be aware of. Keeping up with asshole hygiene is very difficult for some individuals. Sometimes, to remain dry and “scent-free”, there needs to be some improvising when toilet paper isn’t easily accessible. It would be easy just to drag your ass across the carpet like a dog but there needs to be a certain level of dignity kept. Common methods to wiping ones ass can include using the bed sheet while in bed, using the inside of your shirt or underwear that you are wearing, washing your ass with water in someone’s bathroom sink (although disgusting, the jerk didn’t have any TP!), or any other situation where toilet paper is substituted with something.
“I was greasier than all hell so I had to spread the butter with Joe’s ferret.”
It is when you take some item that someone else uses or touches and place it against part of your own body. A great example of this is taking someone elses toothbrush and shoving it into your colon. All that is left is just to watch the item (toothbrush) get used.
I chuckle wiped Ted's shirt with my butt. He is going to think he has BO.
The systematic approach to find which farm animal will give you the greatest amount of pleasure. This usually is done by running out to a local farm every night and having sex with a couple of the animals. Animals that kick, bite, remain dry, smell bad, or are too loose can be eliminated in this test.
“After conducting three months of animal testing I have discovered that nothing can replace your mother.”