Country Dictionary

two pieces of round bread, smashed together in a rude hushed manner.

lady at dunkin donuts: how can i help you?
me: can i have a bagel?
lady at dunkin donuts: you mean two pieces of round bread, smashed together in a rude hushed manner? SURE!
me: thanks!!!!

another word for zero -- derived from the show Scrubs

“God is watching. How many times have you gotten laid this year?”— Janitor

“Bagel”— Todd

(making zero symbol with hand)

a highly tasty snack

jews make them very well

bagel (n) Holy food of the Jews.

Generic Rabbi: Ya call that a bagel? Sclomcka!

A really old doughnut

Next time you ask for a "shmear" on that bagel, you should ask for sprinkles too. Why? A "hole" lot of cheating at the Kwik-E-Mart, that's why. Turns out that Apu is selling chewy week-old donuts -- from the bagel bin! Is nothing sacred? In this reporter's opinion, no.

Long ago, when the doughnut was invented, the entirety of planet Earth rejoiced at the delicious iced pastry, until one day, somebody pointed out that it contained the word "ugh", which is commonly associated with horror and dismay. This eventually led to "doughnut" being shortened to "donut", all for the better. A bagel is a lesser donut. It effectively puts the "ugh" back in "doughnut" and should be avoided at all costs if a donut is available.

*Todd is about to put a bagel in his mouth when Sean cuts him off.*

Sean: Dude, we have donuts.

Todd: Thanks, Man. I owe you one.

*Todd eighty-sixes the bagel and grabs a donut.*

Someone who is extremely cheap.

(Comes from the generic Jew characteristic of frugal, and the fact that all Jews love bagels)

Dude, don't be a bagel, I need the money for my enema!